Emancipation of Thoughts

Laughter is to joy, Family is to courage, friends is to companionship, and, I is to perfection. . .In a snap all is gone!

Nineteen years ago, all was vastly composed of smiles and laughter! Nothing to think of, nothing to worry about, all that I needed was on how to enjoy the innocence life gave me. The only dilemma was on how to absorb the overwhelming love and concern coming from all the corners of this circular world.” It was certainly stagnant in that way but due to the fast tick-tack shifts of the clock – years past! I grew old living certainties behind and facing the uncertainties of life has to offer!

Papa, Mama, and I; we we’re then happy! 1, 2, 3. . .5 years – were outrageously happy and complete! 6, 7 and here comes 8; we were happier making the family more complete with a special gift, my sister! In my 15^th year, I have known things which I didn’t expected – we weren’t only four; we were actually five in the family! Happy, sadness and pain . . . all mixed up and boom, there was my older brother. All I thought it would be fine having someone in my life I really can call KUYA, KAPATID, MANONG, and KABSAT! I was mischievously wrong with my expectations that the after tomorrow will be better having another addition in the Family. Conversely, I committed a felony to myself for expecting too much of it. It was then that our home became just a house, our family “just” being a unit of the society – no serenity within it. I’ve seen the best days with them but it was also with them that I’ve seen and experience the worst day/(s) I can ever have! I never thought it would end this way but I’m hoping that It is just starting and that in the coming years it will end up like the melodramatic Filipino movies.

I was down! I was left with no one other than myself. I felt alone, lonely, and traumatic. I am a man who loved to assume but I never assumed to have my family in a such, I never assumed that, I, a person who learned to walk in and out of the campus alone; will ever gain friends. Tick-Tack – I had friends who I trusted. Friends whom I never talked and existed in the past years. In deed they have served their purpose. They wipe out my tears, cheered me up when I dull, accompanied me when I was alone! All was perfect and all was in place! My father messed up but one man was replaced with 2 or more. Friendship was ideal for me but that day I had my own – it became a reality for me. I was just a kid but with their ample amount of help I became a man. It was once again perfect however it turned out that I was right with my assumption that it will not last. One, day I went home crying having nothing except myself. It turned out that I built a tower of misery who at the end compelled me to dig my own final destiny. They were gone and worst they are at the other side of my world – we see each other but we no longer exist in each others life. Gone too soon!

I was too innocent, idealistic, and lax! I thought there’s really perfection. Each day I plan what to do and expect to accomplish in day/(s), month/(s), and year/(s) – hoping that it will be perfectly done as planned. Obsessive compulsive, that was how I have been. I perfectly planned how I am going to live my life knowing that there’s someone up there who really is the architect and engineer of my living structure. My perfection proved me right with one thing – perfection is not perfect and that it is perfectly right that perfection does not exist! Knowing all these, I have disappointed myself. Up today, I am living with frustrations, imperfections, and the realities which have been but now they’re merely ideals and history – a part of the past. I have gone through phase I of my obstacle coarse, what else awaits in the following phases.

I have been taught and trained how to become a man but I have been a better man due to my own wisdom and understanding. There are just bad days which I need to go through bad there will still be better days which I will go through. I may have been tricked by the wheel of uncertainty but I will certainly do the same thing – trick the uncertainties of life!

I am selfish but I am willing to be selfless
Growth is what I want Maturity is what I need

Wisdom is my weapon Pride is my shield
but being alone is my WEAKNESS

I have been immune from being
a loner since birth but I have learned to search for
a companion but I never tried to become open that failure
really exist and that it will never diminish… despite all this
i will teach myself and pursue to learn acceptance and how to become
stronger.

I will consider the fact that perfection has no place in
this bare world… I am strong but i will be STRONGER
I am good but I will learn to become Better.
I am a person but I will now learn how to become
HUMANE!

enjoying life and finding more of genuine happiness! 19 years have past and all i want now is to go back from year one wanting to change everything that i have done wrong with my growth as a human being- i know that in some parts of my life i have done something wrong.

I’m now trying to correct my fault that i have done to my personality the freedom that i have once deny the happiness that i have been depriving from myself. I am now accepting the fact that I’m turning 19, old enough to experience life. . .

I have found my self i have found my identity. . .i have been alone because of my frustrations and the time has come for me to forget each and every failure i have done living the shadows of the past will not do me any good but what i need to note is NOW-The PRESENT. I must and I will Live in the Present and consider the future. . .

I’ll open my own cage though it’s late, it’s still good that i have realized that I was trapped. . . Trapped by my own stupidity but through walking on the paths of darkness having a little light
of match stick- I have found my own wisdom which served as the key to my freedom from being a prisoner. . . "this is my now" and I know "I can fly like an Eagle"